oh ho! : Pointless Postings

fiffffffififffteeteeen

elisabeth — Tue, 22 Aug 2006 09:26:00 GMT

Thought of the day:

You're welcome.

Classes@mit.edu are beginning soon; I have exciting things lined up for this semester.
In the mean time, I think that I will have a slight emotional break-down, cry to my mother, and maybe seduce a few freshmen (before Novemeber - do you dare me?) and generally enjoy REX. Thank effing g-d I'm not running the shebang this year, eh?

OMG!!11!

elisabeth — Sun, 25 Dec 2005 05:45:00 GMT

In the spirit of Christmas:

31 Little Known Facts About Chuck Norris

1. Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.

2. A man once asked Chuck Norris if his real name was "Charles". Chuck Norris did not respond, he simply stared at him until he exploded.

3. Rather than being birthed like a normal child, Chuck Norris instead decided to punch his way out of his mother's womb. Shortly thereafter he grew a beard.

4. Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, Chuck met all three bullets with his beard, deflecting them. JFK's head exploded out of sheer amazement.

5. The original theme song to the Transformers was actually "Chuck Norris--more that meet the eye, Chuck Norris--robot in disguise," and starred Chuck Norris as a Texas Ranger who defended the earth from drug-dealing Decepticons and could turn into a pick-up. This was far too much awesome for a single show, however, so it was divided.

6. Chuck Norris was the fourth Wiseman. He brought baby Jesus the gift of "beard". Jesus wore it proudly until his dying day. The other Wisemen, jealous of Jesus' obvious gift favoritism, used their combined influence to have Chuck omitted from the Bible. Shortly thereafter all three died of roundhouse kick related deaths.

7. Chuck Norris once shot a German plane down with his finger, by yelling "Bang!"

8. When Chuck Norris plays Oregon Trail, his family does not die from cholera or dysentery, but rather roundhouse kicks to the face. He also requires no wagon, since he carries the oxen, axels, and buffalo meat on his back. He always makes it to Oregon before you.

9. Chuck Norris can make a woman climax by simply pointing at her and saying "booya!"

10. Before each filming of Walker: Texas Ranger, Chuck Norris is injected with five times the lethal dose of elephant tranquilizer. This is, of course, to limit his strength and mobility, in an attempt to lower the fatality rate of the actors he fights.

11. Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.

12. When Chuck Norris' wife burned the turkey one Thanksgiving, Chuck said, "Don't worry about it honey," and went into the backyard. He came back five minutes later with a live turkey, ate it whole, and when he threw it up a few seconds later it was fully cooked and came with cranberry sauce. When his wife asked him how he had done it, he gave her a roundhouse kick to the face and said, "Never question Chuck Norris."

13. Chuck Norris took my virginity, and he will sure as hell take yours. If you're thinking to yourself, "That's impossible, I already lost my virginity," then you are dead wrong.

14. Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.

15. Chuck Norris once tried to sue Burger King after they refused to put razor wire in his Whopper, Jr., insisting that that actually is "his" way.

16. Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean.

17.Chuck Norris does not have AIDS but he gives it to people anyway.

18. Chuck Norris has yet to get a Jeopardy question wrong. Jesus has missed two.

19. Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.

20. Chuck Norris's girlfriend once asked him how much wood a woodchuck could chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood. He then shouted, "HOW DARE YOU RHYME IN THE PRESENCE OF CHUCK NORRIS!" and ripped out her throat. Holding his girlfriend's bloody throat in his hand he bellowed, "Don't fuck with Chuck!" Two years and five months later he realized the irony of this statement and laughed so hard that anyone within a hundred mile radius of the blast went deaf.

21. Chuck Norris recently had the idea to sell his urine as a canned beverage. We know this beverage as Red Bull.

22. To prove it isn't that big of a deal to beat cancer. Chuck Norris smoked 15 cartons of cigarettes a day for 2 years and aquired 7 different kinds of cancer only to rid them from his body by flexing for 30 minutes. Beat that, Lance Armstrong.

23. The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain. After much debate, President Truman decided to drop the atomic bomb on Hiroshima rather than the alternative of sending Chuck Norris. His reasoning? It was more "humane".

24. If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris you may be only seconds away from death.

25. Chuck Norris found out about Conan O'Brien's lever that shows clips from "Walker: Texas Ranger" and is working on a way to make it show clips of Norris having sex with Conan's wife.

26. Chuck Norris once went to a frat party, and proceeded to roundhouse every popped collar in sight. He then drank three kegs and shit on their floor, just because he's Chuck Norris.

27. One of the greatest cover-ups of the last century was the fact that Hitler did not commit suicide in his bunker, but was in fact tea-bagged to death by Chuck Norris.

28. At the end of each week, Chuck Norris murders a dozen white people just to prove he isn't a racist.

29. Chuck Norris punched a woman in the vagina when she didn't give him exact change.

30. Hellen Keller's favorite color is Chuck Norris.

31. Chuck Norris once pulled a bus full of school children teetering over the edge of a cliff back onto the road with his bare hands, saving everybody inside. Even as they cheered, he screamed, "I'm not your savior!" and headbutted the bus over the edge, sending them all to their horrible doom

I got an engineer's outfit for Christmas from my Grandpa.

It consists of:
- A train conductor cap (blue and white striped)
- A train conductor cap (American flags)
- 3-pack of navy hankerchefs
- Deer-skin shearling-lines mittens

I will be prepared for next semester...

Home and Garden Television (HGTV) is super. How do I function without at school?

Answer: I don't. I don't function at school. It was a trick question.

That's a... that's a pretty good trick...

I redid my mit.edu site. It now features pictures by *amazing* artist Tara McPherson.

I really want to mural this picture over IAP. I think it's a pretty sweet picture.

1 + 0 = 10

elisabeth — Fri, 16 Dec 2005 06:44:00 GMT

I really like when other people say stupid/funny/thoughless things. Consequently, I enjoy publications such as Senior Haus's own Slander very much. So, it should be obvious that Over Heard in New York is one of my favorite procrastination methods.

This is one which I particularly enjoyed:

Chick: Is marijuana vegan?
Father: It is unless you roll it in elephant hide. Or foreskin.
Mother: A joint rolled in foreskin would give you two pleasures at once!

--13th between 5th & 6th

Read the original at their achives: ARCHIVES!

Term is almost over.

Hence the crazy amount of procrastination which I am doing.

because seven ate nine...

elisabeth — Sat, 20 Aug 2005 09:23:00 GMT

She keeps getting stuck! I wonder how they do things like this. I spent 20 minutes watching this. Just keep refreshing, and she keeps falling!

Though I hope that, should I ever be the position in which I am falling indefinately amist bubbles, that I should not be able to bend completely in half at the waist. Interesting to note: she may bend over at the waist, but is incapable of doing the splits and getting through the bubbles that way.

I really want to go out and pick some flowers and put them in a little vase on the kitchen table. Sadly, it's 4:20 in the morning. (Oh ho!...ha) Maybe when I wake up (assuming that I do, in fact, go to sleep), I'll do that.

Oh Say can you See

elisabeth — Fri, 19 Aug 2005 20:00:00 GMT

I love this commerical. I watch it all the time. You should watch it too.

It would be so cool if I was able to do stuff like this.

Speaking of MIT... (we weren't really, but now that you bring it up...)

Schedules and advisors posted. Like the schedule, have yet to meet the advisor. John R. Williams. He has an MIT blog too.

six-six-six

elisabeth — Tue, 16 Aug 2005 05:57:00 GMT

Just a picture post. Potential ad poster for the haus.

I put a hex on you

elisabeth — Sat, 13 Aug 2005 05:10:00 GMT

I was just thinking happily of more angst-ridden days, and seemed to recall painting up this little beauty (which I titled affectionately "Don't Speak"). Suffice it to say, my artistic style has progressed past such things.

Although my artistic ability remains disturbingly low. I tend to believe that it is solely the fault of having failed to yet find the proper medium to display my art through. So far, favorites have included glass (stained and blown), and printing (linoleum, etching, etc.) I have been contemplating the possibility of setting up a miniature screen-printing press in my dorm room next year.

We'll see.

I am having a party tomorrow. I realize that this is trivial information and no one who reads this needs to know (let's be honest here... no one does read this.) But I enjoy pointing out such things for my own purposes.

I have a lot of cleaning to do tomorrow morning. And I have to phone in the sushi order (3x cucumber roll, 3x avocado roll, 2x sweet potato roll) so that it's ready for pickup at 6 PM. It doesn't help that I am forced into attending a going away/1st anniversary party in the afternoon.

Speaking of...

Religion.

Ok. So "where does the 'speaking of...' fit in?" My cousin got married last year at 18 (she's 2 months older than me) due to some weird religious thing and church pressure and no premarital sex. So then she flunked out of college. Only now she's going to a different one.

You don't really care. But the point is, I don't like religion.

But I wish I had a cooter that looked like Jesus. That's be awesome.

Four score

elisabeth — Wed, 10 Aug 2005 19:06:00 GMT

The bitches is crazy!

I want to find this person. And then ask them. What is going on here?

It may be evident at this point that I find extreme enjoyment in bad tattoos. And all that is implicated by their presence. And of course, there is the puzzlement that I find when I see something this terrible and wonder why someone would mar their body with that. But then again, this is exactly what my mother thinks when she looks at mine.

::le sigh::

I have a fiber deficiency. As a result, I am forced to eat a multitude of high-fiber high-gag-reflex foods such as bran fiber muffins and bran fiber cereal. Ill.

There is a lot to do before rush begins, and I haven't the energy to do anything. I've had a serious lower back injury, and surgery, and I'm not even on campus, so planning and action are not really happening. The attendance of Senior Haus representatives at DormCon meetings has been dismal to say the least. I just really hope that rush doesn't end up sucking and then I would feel like the failure is solely my fault. Which I know is crazy, but I always feel insecurities about things such as this.

But then again, if rush ends up rocking, I would be more than happy to take full responsability.

I want to do something with this image, except flipped on its side so that it resembles an infinity sign.

For those unfamiliar with the artist, it is Erte, one of my favorites. If you have an extra ~$100 to lose, I suggest Erte at Ninety: The Complete Graphics. We have this book at home and it is utterly wonderful.

Yay!

Magic number

elisabeth — Tue, 09 Aug 2005 16:58:00 GMT

Sex-me, baby!

I'm pretty sure that it would suck to go into space. There's sucky dried-out food-in-a-bag, motion sickness, and that feeling you get when you look outside. Heck, I even get that feeling sometimes looking into the night sky. (Often with chemical help).

The feeling: the universe is so enormous, and we're such a minimal and trivial part of its existence. There is more out there than I am incapable of even beginning to comprehend. And this scares me. I dislike the feeling of insignificance, and when I look up at the sky, I realize that I am even less that insignificant; I am nothing.

Cheery.

The house I live in doesn not have crown moldings. I love crown moldings. Were you aware that crown moldings began with the ancient Egyptians? They had good decorating sense.

oh - how rudimentary!

elisabeth — Thu, 04 Aug 2005 08:28:00 GMT

I'm a strong believer in the infallible doctrine which states:
When Jesus and fiber-optics meet, all will become well within the disheviled state of our planetary existance.

I've somehow become addicted to the world of internet-based furniture design blogs. A sad and impedimenting addiction, it is difficult for me to focus on more important aspects of survival as long as I'm reading FunFurde, CoolHunting, and other such inequitous time-stealers.

And that's not even considering my need for intravenous Needled.com. It's not that I enjoy the opinions of others on trivial subjects; even with people I know I rarely feel the need to seed out every view they hold. But with these pointless blogs, I find myself enthralled, addicted, unable to stop myself from following every link, reading every comment, evaluating and annotating the blogger's views.

So I supposed this brings me to my next wonderful point.
Me.

Why in the sand-blazes of hell would I want to start a blog for myself? Is it not enough to have my emo little livejournal for chronicalling all the boring emotional semi-feelings which I want to whine about, although keeping it tailored to the reading audience? Yeah, I guess not.

And on that note, I wish I had a bubble-gum vending machine.